


Phobia

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃！巨人中学校 | Shingeki! Kyojin Chuugakkou | Attack on Titan: Junior High
Genre: AU, Best Friends, Carnival, First Kiss, Gay, Homophobia, LGBT, Love, M/M, Romance, Roommates, Sweet, bxb - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 04:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7998181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi came out, and Eren was far from okay. </p><p>After months of work to get to the point of acceptance, Eren feels it a shame that he still has the occasional homophobic thought.</p><p>But they don't last for long. </p><p>Not when the cure is sitting next to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shingeki_no_attiyyah (as always)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=shingeki_no_attiyyah+%28as+always%29).



> Written beside a cat, and in utter frivolity.
> 
> Inspired and partially based off of the movie (found on the popular streaming site Netflix), The 4th Man Out.

Both myself and Levi were silently shitting ourselves - or so I thought. Pushed up against each others sides in an inconveniently small - not to mention damn awkward - ride seat, we hung in the sky. To be completely honest, I was more afraid of Levi than the height. What if he got the wrong idea? It's not like it's my choice to be this close to him anyway, I shouldn't be worrying. The vibe our carriage was giving off was one that could only be described as 'sweat'.

Just a month ago, I would've been perfectly comfortable buddying up with my pal, getting up close and personal 20 meters in the sky, but a month ago, as far as I was concerned, Levi was a raging heterosexual. Girls came and went like wildfire, each one leaving even less of an impression on my seemingly emotionless friend. He seemed just fine with the way his life was going, so I left it at that. Little did I know that the entire time we'd been friends, our boy Levi had been trying to find a girl that he was attracted to. I guess you could say it came as a bit of a shock when one morning he came out with the classic line of 'Eren, I'm really fucking gay'.

I had laughed, but upon realizing he was serious, had an internal breakdown. Who was this guy, sleeping with every easy girl in town and all of a sudden springing this news upon me? Did he ever consider maybe _I_ wasn't ready? I realize now what I had been thinking at the time was just my mind being clouded by the great fog of being brought up around homophobes, but I have to admit, some of the feeling still lingered. Hey, I was a very impressionable kid, what can you do?

So here I was, internally screeching as I attempted to inch myself away from the source of my red cheeks that was pushed up against my side. I stole a quick glance at him only to find he was perfectly fine with the whole thing, or at least seemed like it. He caught my glance quickly turning into a stare and looked at me with slight concern,  
"You okay brat?" I nodded, attempting to blow my troubles away with some breathing exercises. _Okay Jaeger, you need to chill the fuck out or he's gonna know what's going on. I don't.. really know how he's going to just know, but he will. Chill._  
After a timeless minute of internal pep talk, I had calmed myself down. It wasn't such a big deal after all. Levi was gay, and gay is okay. No, gay is great. Gay is the best. Levi is the best. Levi's gay. It just works itself out. But damn, that time when he brought over that guy Erwin- no. _No need to think about that._

_But of course I'm going to anyway._

After a week or so of what probably felt like an interrogation every day and a whole lot of getting used to the idea, I was pretty well adjusted to the idea of Levi getting it on with another dude. I just wasn't expecting it to be in our flat.

Levi, on a steamy Friday night, had somehow found himself pressed up against a wall with a certain Erwin, of whom I came to know when I had obliviously wandered in on them playing vertical tonsil hockey beside the front door. All of a sudden there was a yelp, the thud of someone hitting the ground, and a sighing Levi. After a week of great progress with the whole thing, I was back to square one when it came to real life guys. The idea seemed cool, reality, not so much. Levi being with another guy just gave me the heebie jeebies all over. He was my best friend, how was I supposed to react? I guess you could say Levi was mine, and I didn't want other boys all over my Levi. He was like a brother to me.

"You sure?" Levi questioned, interrupting me from my train of pointless thoughts. I nodded, trying to be assertive as I gulped down my obvious uneasiness that was slowly creeping it's way back into the carriage.  
"Just fine, dude." I assured in the _weakest_ fucking tone and inwardly cringed at how unconvincing I must've been, but soon noticed Levi didn't seem to notice, just shrugged and sighed as he gazed so calmly at the now lowering Ferris wheel's view of the carnival. I admired his features as I leant my arms and head on the railing, just lookin' at him. He was a pretty guy, and I knew I had to try harder to get used to the idea of guys coming to the apartment. Of course he'd bring someone home with him, he was godly attractive and not a complete asshole. It was me who was holding him back.

It was my turn to sigh as I felt the clunk of the ride coming to a stop at our carriage, Levi sliding out and helping me down with a hand that my hammered-in-homophobia buzzed at. _Jesus Eren, that's not how gay works at all, you've been through this._

When Levi had come out, well, more like when he had convinced me he wasn't joking when he said he was gay, he assured me over everything else that he was not attracted to me. When I got offended at that, he also assured me I was extremely attractive, but he himself was personally not attracted to me, though he was sure many gay men would be. Once I was as happy with the answer as I could be, I just nodded and tried my best to lay low for a while. That was, until, I realized my life had literally no meaning without him, and clung back to him like a baby koala once again.

Our other friends weren't bothered by his homosexuality at all, in fact they all commended him on his bravery to be himself, which of course ran like water off a ducks back with Levi's silent stubbornness to show pride. I had to admit, being the first one he told made me feel special, because with Levi things like friendship or trust weren't acknowledged whatsoever, apart from the occasional advice or protective instinct when it came to other people invading our little bubble.

I was really lucky to have won him over.

 


	2. Arms Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got the title for this chapter from my dad when he was wrestling my dog. 
> 
> Think that's all the explanation this needs really.
> 
> Apologies for anyone who hasn't seen LOTR and is thoroughly confused, but seriously you have to watch those movies. Get your shit together.

After we said our goodbyes to the rest of the gang, we walked back to our flat in a silence that was broken only by my incessant complaining about the fact neither of us had a car and Levi's occasional chuckles, myself joining him just in the happiness that I could make him laugh at all. Soon enough we were back at the apartment after a hard days work of riding shitty carnival rides and eating, eating yet again as we settled in for our nightly movie. Our goal was to watch three hundred and sixty five movies this year, both of us having childhoods deprived of anything other than G rated movies, so we were watching as many 18+ movies we could get our hands on in a quiet rebellion against our protective parents.

Honestly, neither of us were bothered at all by our upbringing in the movie department, but having something in common was usually followed by something stupid, this being no exception.

I lay with my head pushing against the end of the uncomfortably small couch, legs flying in the air as I annoyed Levi with my dirty socks from the other end of the sofa. He grabbed at my legs like a ninja, shoving them back to my side before I placed them back again, this time without the intention of annoying him but more just to stretch out my legs. What can I say, the couch was fucking small.

He brought up his own legs to cross them, lifting my feet up for a second before he placed them back down onto his lap gently, and I couldn't help thinking that he was like a bird. Laughing a little bit, I attracted his attention and he caught me chuckling at his bird-like movements. He just sighed at me, my small moment of laughter dwindling as the movie continued on for a while.

Eventually even the stretched out position got stiff for me, and I brought my jean clad legs back to my side and stretched my torso out. Now in a new regular sitting position, I grabbed some popcorn from the bowl on the table beside me and crunched on them as Frodo, Sam, and Gollum munched on some overly clean-looking bread on the rocky mountain. I had seen Lord of the Rings many a time, but was baffled to find out Levi hadn't even seen it once. I was almost as surprised as I was when he came out, LOTR is a classic for gods sake. We'd decided to watch the whole trilogy tonight, but honestly my mind was fuzzed over with the will to sleep already. Levi, being the insomniac he is, sat wide awake, well as wide awake as Levi could be, and watched intently as Frodo has his spat with Sam over Gollum's claims. I slumped into the comfort of our small sofa and tried my best not to fall asleep in the warmth provided by it.

As I was slumping it up, I noticed in the corner of my eye Levi begin to lean over slowly, probably thinking I was asleep due to my almost closed-eyedness at that current moment as I began failing not to fall asleep. As he leant closer, my heart began to beat ever so much faster, and when he reached just before my face, I leant into the obvious attempt to kiss me. Hell, if he was going to kiss me I might as well reciprocate so as not to make it awkward.

Sadly for my muzzy mind at the moment, Levi snapped back to his original position like lighting, and no longer like a flittering bird. I looked at him confusedly until I noticed the popcorn he held in his hand and felt the wave of dismay that came with a grave mistake.

"Whoa." Was what he said.

Was he kidding? All I had to obsessively analyse was a shitty little whoa? And not even a readable whoa, just a generic whoa of slight shock and surprise. What the fuck, Levi.

Meanwhile, I was red enough to put a tomato to shame and more than ready to smack my against a wall in a fit of embarrassment and regret. Silence sunk into the room, well at least that would've been more appropriate than the sounds of Frodo hacking up a giant spider in the background as we sat in the mix of feelings drowning us.

"You're..?" He asked suddenly, not seeming like a forced question to break the pounding quiet between us, but one of actual wonderment.

"What?" I responded, not catching what he was throwing and becoming overly irritated at his lack of substance to the question.

"You're gay?" He asked, fulfilling my wish and draining me of any okay-ness that might have remained in my being.

"No!" I said way too quickly,   
"I mean, no, no, I'm not.. gay." I replied, seeming unsure of myself in every possible aspect of my sentence,

"Then.. why?"

The million dollar question.

"Because Frodo just gets me in the mood, y'know?"

He laughed. I cried, just a little bit.

"Jesus, Eren. What the fuck is up?" He spoke with such a genuine concern as he shifted over and lent me an arm to wrap around myself. He was so warm, the thought of his likeness to a bird fluttering back into my head as I laughed, more tears falling in my strange moment of hilarity and deep emotion.

"I was," I took a couple necessary breaths in-between words,   
"I was afraid of you, afraid," More breaths,  
"Afraid that you liked me in that- way." I spat out along with more choked laughter at the mess of idiocy I was. Levi laughed along with me for a little while, and just for those moments we were a happy-sad mess together.

"When I said that I didn't like you that way I meant it, you know." Levi spoke, interrupting the temporary calm I felt in my being at the fact we were able to laugh at something so different. I nodded solemnly, not understanding the new feelings surfacing in my chest and head. Why? Levi pulled me closer to him, side by side on the couch to comfort me from something neither of us understood.

"But that doesn't mean I can't like you that way." He said softly as he rubbed my back, not in a suggestive manner but more of a consolation. What if I'm okay with him liking guys, as long as that guy is me? I felt my face drop at the thought, thinking of an excuse for that not to be the case. Is it normal for a straight guy to think about another guy like that? I thought, wondering about the fantasies I had of Levi and I. I'd never really asked anyone.

"Can you just do something for me? Just for a second?" I asked of him, closing my eyes to ready myself for what was to come. He nodded instantly, reminding me of how fucking much I loved this guy. Platonically, of course. I hoped.

I guided him to face me, both of us sitting across from each other on the couch, and then brought his face to mine with a softly placed hand on his cool cheek. Before I did it, I took one look into his eyes and realised that everything I'd once thought was a lie to myself, but was interrupted by Levi leaning forward to crash his lips onto mine. To say he was welcome to was an understatement. The crackling pleasure and buzz of touching another person so intimately came quickly with the recalling of the scandalous situation I was in. A homophobe turned homosexual, I thought, chuckling a little into the kiss that I was mesmerised by. Levi was like a trap, and when I opened my mouth for him he locked me up forever.

It lasted for such a small amount of time compared to the years I could've spent there, not running away, not caring, not bothering to deny the fact I really fucking wanted to kiss my best friend. The surge of desire for him dwindled as we pulled away from each other to breath and think, not being able to focus under the trance of touch.

"Thanks." I said with a little smile, just knowing that so much passion behind something so simple couldn't end with rejection from him. He touched his lip for a small moment before speaking,

"Shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued (in ages because I'm lazy and pre-wrote only two chapters) . . .

**Author's Note:**

> To be continued . . .


End file.
